Why do we feel disintegrated and how to fix it?

Sometimes we don't feel quite right and yet we can't explain why that is. We might have big dreams, but have a hard time figuring out the next step required to bring them into reality. Or, we might only be able to focus on the task in front of us, while the thought of the future seems overwhelming.

It turns out that there is a word for this. It is disintegration. Let me explain:

Integration is a process where separate elements are linked together into a working whole. As Daniel Siegel defines it, it is "the linkage of differentiated elements of a system".

Differentiation refers to parts of a system that are different. Let's say the HR department and the Finance department in an organization. Linkage is the connection between those elements. The HR department is connected to the Finance department because of activities such as payroll for example. When in integration, those separate elements (use the departments example if you like) work well together. The information flows easily from one another, there are clear communication processes between them, well outlined procedures and likely technology in place that is effective and allows for easy access. It also assumes that the individual elements function well within themselves.

Integration is exactly what happens in our brain when we feel we are on it! We have a clear vision, we understand the why, but we can also put together a strategy and determine the steps required to make the vision come true.

How does integration look like in the brain, what are the different parts of a system that are linked together? I am referring to the two hemispheres of the brain. You likely heard it discussed as people who are right brained or left brained. The hemispheres are the way the brain sees the world, the way it processes information.

How the left and right hemispheres of the brain process information

The right hemisphere of the brain looks at the big picture. It takes in a lot of information, but it does not focus on one specific thing. It does not sort the information or label it and has a hard time seeing the individual parts of a situation. It holds images, nonverbal language and autobiographical memory.

The left hemisphere of the brain takes a very focused, structured and organized approach to the information it processes. It sorts it, prioritizes it, focuses on one thing intently. As I heard it described, it finds Waldo in the picture. The language centres are in the left hemisphere, that's why it labels things, attaching specific language to a situation. It is responsible for the spoken and written language, lists and literal thinking.

And that is why we need to be in an integrated state where the right and left hemispheres of the brain work well together to both see the big picture, organize the information, focus on individual parts and decide on a course of action. Overcalibration in one hemisphere is disintegration.

The more integrated we are, the more the hemispheres push against one another and the harder it is to lean too far on one side or another. When we are in that place of integration, we are able to access both our intuition and logic and be creative.

So, why does that matter? I said right at the beginning that sometimes we feel like something is not quite right, yet we can't our finger on it and fix it. Being in a disintegrated state as it relates to the two hemispheres of the brain can be at play. While that is not always the case, it is many times. Let me give you a practical example:

You are exhausted and overwhelmed with responsibilities. Your inbox is out of control and the pile of clean laundry that needs to be folded is getting higher. That is your right hemisphere of the brain in its ineffective state. What you need to do is to process what is going on through your left hemisphere in its effective state. That means writing everything down, prioritizing what needs to get done, labelling how you feel (language centre) and focusing on the first 3 things you need to do to feel integrated.

Here is one more: You feel angry that your teenager is acting out. You put down another rule they need to follow. You accept no excuse and when they are late getting ready for school yet again, you take away their phone. In this case, you are processing the information through your left hemisphere in an ineffective manner. What you need is to use your right hemisphere to consider the big picture of your relationship with your child, maybe the challenges they are facing that prevent them from getting ready on time and think how important this is at the end of the day in the big scheme of things.

We can correct this state of disintegration if we understand where we are. When we are clear that we are leaning too much into one hemisphere, we can take action. When we are leaning too much into the right hemisphere we feel we are in chaos. We need to bring the left hemisphere to put some order into it. On the other hand, when we are leaning too much into the left hemisphere, we act from a place of rigidity (the teenager example) and instead we need to show more empathy, think of the big picture and focus on cooperation.

I've experienced overcalibration in my left hemisphere this past week. I was faced with some challenging situations and I found myself in rigidity. I was angry, frustrated, I wanted justice and fairness and I was becoming less empathetic. It took me a few days to recognize this was happening. I did not feel right and yet I couldn't quite explain it. Once I recognized the signs (I should know better!), it became evident what I had to do. I had to lean more into my right hemisphere by thinking of the big picture and the opportunities these challenges where giving me to make some changes in my life. I also had to demonstrate self-compassion by allowing myself more time to rest.

If you are interested in seeing how this applies to a situation you are facing where you are likely in disintegration, I have a tool I use with my clients that explores the two hemispheres of the brain using metaphors to get to an integrated state. I continue to offer one free coaching session using neuroscience based tools such as this one each week until the end of November. Send me an email to take advantage of this opportunity.